The Souls of the Fallen Reside Here

BIG Promise

mastersolace — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 19:48:02 +0000

I will have my new PC set-up here soon, so I can recieve all of my wonderful ass chewings when I make my return………….

So prepare what you are going to say, because your opportunity is coming very, very soon……..

Until then……..

“Let the Fire Embrace You”

This blew me away

mastersolace — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 02:51:14 +0000

I am posting this on both of my blogs and my new website…..so you will see it on them all……

My friend Frankie posted this in a bulletin on MySpace, and when I read it, I was blown completely away……I am so impressed, I am posting it on here…..

This poem was written by my friend, Frankie Morales…

I search through days,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have at hand.

You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
As I laugh and smile,
As nothing in the world was wrong

Yet when I am alone at night,
That I truly feel,
The tears I always cry,
The tears that no knows are real

The pain deep inside of me,
I know this is some sort of test,
But the pain I have and always feel,
I hide from all the rest

The friends I have and cherish,
the ones who know my name,
The friends I have and always loved,
Forget me all the same

I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.

For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.

Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting?
If I decide to hang around

Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth …
Or will I be perplexed?

Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?

Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questioning my own existence
As Death just creeps around

Some friends come and go,
This life lesson I have learned,
Some stick through thick and thin,
And the rest decide to go

So now I ask a question,
that I really need to know,
Lets say I die tomorrow,
At my funeral would you show

Or would you forget about me,
as many have done so many times,
Just a nobody, a void in life,
This I feel and cannot lie

I will always be true,
no matter how bad my friends rotten,
because I see no matter how hard I try,
In there lives I am forgotten

By: Frankie Morales

So what do you all think…..tell me, and I will let him know…..

Fino ad allora, i miei amici…..

I just wanted to say this

mastersolace — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 08:03:13 +0000

This is the second of two posts for the night

I posted not so long ago that I had been introduced to someone amazing by my friend Staci, but I never said who it was……..follow the leader

I never revealed who it was. The identity of this person is Staci’s sister, Tessa.

No I have to apologize for something. I said that Tessa was amazing, I was wrong……..there isn’t one word that I can find to describe how great Tessa is……..amazing, wonderful, even perfect isn’t good enough…….I could go on and on, and I would never be able to do it. Tessa is just that great of a woman. Nothing like I have experienced here in Columbus, IN. Most of the women up here are either stuck-up, fake, or down-right mean or disrespectful…at least to me…..or taken…….but Tessa is nothing like that at all. She is special to me like no other could be…..I can’t put it into words.

There is something else. She has two kids, sons named Hunter and Peyton(and Hunter is having a birthday soon……Happy Birthday Hunter). I AM NOT SAYING THAT IS A BAD THING. I am actually looking forward to meeting all three of them personally….even though Peyton isn’t that old yet, I would still be seeing the little guy. I love kids, no matter whose they are, or what they do…..and I would be honored to do anything I can within my power to prove it. I can even say that I can look forward to playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles again(LOL ). Maybe even be more to them, whatever that ends up meaning in the future……

Now back to Tessa. I want to be able to show her exactly how she needs to be treated. I want to hold her when she needs it. I want to be the rock she leans on. I want to be able to love her like she is mine to lose…..I want to be able to show her exactly what I have inside…..

One problem though, she lives in Georgia…..but I am more than happy to move there in an instant if I could, but I can’t…..and I am trying everything I can do to fix that……I did find out that it would only cost me about $100-$115 to fly there….well, at least to Atlanta……but I would do it, and I intend to……

Have you ever been so sure about something, you would move heaven and earth just to do it…….I’m there now……….and I am open for any suggestions……any at all……….I need to do this because I’m ready for the rest of my life………and it begins here……

And I can’t think of a better person that I would want to spend the rest of it with……and I am very serious about this……….

Please give me an idea of what I can do to make it happen………

Fino ad allora, i miei amici…..
(Until next time, my friends…..)

I think I need to do my first serious post on this one…..

mastersolace — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 06:23:11 +0000

This is one of two posts that I will be doing tonight…….

On my other site, I have a few posts about sadists….and I realized that I missed an important one……check this out…..I warn you, I type long ones sometimes…

Those of you who have read my other blog knwo that I hate sadists. My only pet peeve. For those of you who haven’t, here is the gist of it all.

Sadists are people who benefit or take pleasure in hurting others. Murders, rapists, terrorists, blackmailers, identity thieves, petty thieves, normal thieves, etc……I think you all get the point. I have written numerous posts on how much I hate almost each and every one of those, but now I realize that I missed one, so I am touching on it here.

The one I want to touch on is abusers. It doesn’t matter if it is physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, social abuse, strictly emotional abuse, or whatever kinds of abuse there can be. Abuse is not discrimatory, but it is blind. These are the kind of people that want to make sure the target of their abuse is under their thumb, make them fear what they don’t think they can control. Those abusers make me sick, but it happens everyday.

They make their target feel as if they have no choice, either for their safety, or the safety of someone they love……and maybe that has something to do with it. Like for example, a person could get abused because of the color of their skin……or even the color of their children’s skin if it might be different than the mother’s. It could be because of people that the target may have hung out with, like a certain social group…and it could even be an outside influence causing it, like someone showing off for their group or posse or however in the hell you want to refer to it as. It all comes down to one thing…..the abuser is doing it because to them it makes them look dominant, look like they are bigger, look like they are in control……by making someone else feel insignificant……..

So what can be done?

Most of the people being abused don’t think there is anything they can do….or they think they deserve it for some reason…….NO ONE deserves that kind of shit….no one……and there is something they can do. They can stand up, or have someone do it for them….protect them……show them a different way…….a guide of sorts…….it can be hard, but it can be done…….

So, some of you are probably wondering why I decided to do this post, how I can talk about something like this? Three reasons. 1) I have a long time friend who has gone through it. 2) I’m fucking sick and tired from seeing it happen to people that don’t deserve it. 3) And I’ve been abused myself. My ex did it to me, mental, social, some physically, and all emotionally….I lost myself. Now that I’ve been away from her, I have regained what I can so far, but I have a long way to go, and the demons and the nightmares still get to me…..images of the things she put me through…..and like a moron, I stayed….and it was the worst fucking thing I could’ve ever put myself through. Now that I am away from her, I have slowly started becoming what I was striving so hard to become….the honorable, respectful, loving, caring person you have all come to know and love…..if it wasn’t for me getting away from the snarling hose-beast, I would’ve become nothing, and sometimes I still feel that I am nothing, but I’m trying. I’m not quite the way I want to be yet, but I am getting there…..and with the proper help, I will be again. But it is all because of the abuse that I endured from her.

Abuse doesn’t need to happen…..any form…..except maybe the rare Hershey’s abuse, where you abuse the usage of milk chocolate…….LOL……but I think you understand what I mean.

No matter if we are black, white, asian, mexican, oriental, native american, gay, straight, bi-sexual, low-class, high-class, middle-class, short, tall, skinny, fat, athletic, or not, famous, unknown, male, female, or maybe in-between…..we all have something in common….we are all human. As long as you have respect for your fellow man or woman, and remember that no one deserves what you wouldn’t want done to youself, then the fact that we are all human will never be forgotten.

And no one deserves to be treated that way, and I will do whatever I can in my own power to help everyone that I can. I gladly would lay down my life for anyone else, as long as they would remember that I did it because I wanted to, and not because I had to…….

I want to know what everyone thinks about all of this……and all you have to do is either drop me a line here(aka leave a comment, or send me an email(my email addresses are on one of my pages…..don’t remember which one), or you can tell me what you think on messenger if you know me personally, or send me an IM anyway if you want to know me personally………I think you get the point…….but I am open to any thoughts and feelings on this….

Thank you to everyone who read it, and I hope to have another post like this soon…..remember……this is only one of two posts for the night…….

Fino ad allora, i miei amici…..
(Until next time, my friends…..)

Somethings aren’t always what they seem

mastersolace — Sun, 25 Jun 2006 04:41:40 +0000

All this post is for is to make a point. I wanted to do this for all of my readers to see. So just click the link and you will see what I mean.

I have a friend that did something very nice for me……and the funny thing is, she didn't really do anything for me directly. But whether or not, I have to say this…….Thank you very much Staci.

What did Staci do for me to be thanking her on here? She introduced me to one of the nicest women I have ever had the honor of talking to. Someone that I can actually say that I wait for to get on the computer just so I can have the opportunity to talk to this amazing woman. And to top it off, I think she is absolutely gorgeous……I don't know what else to say, I'm speechless…..(I know, I know….weird ain't it……..)

This is so strange to say, but I think I owe Staci something. She has done something awesome for me, and I don't know how to thank her……..I hope this is enough for her………

And I think there is another reader out there that will have something to say about it…….

Until next time………

Why do I get the bad luck???!?!!!!?!???!???

mastersolace — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 01:34:52 +0000

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why in the blue hell do I have to get the bad luck?!!!!!!? I didn't ask for it, but apparently it is just another one of fate's little surprises.

I've said it before many times, and here is to another hundred or so more………………..

FATE CAN KISS MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to do this……….

mastersolace — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 07:52:23 +0000

I know I invited some of you to come read this, and after you are done, you will all understand why. And for those I didn't invite personally, then sit back and relax…..this may be a very long one….

Someone that I know has made a few good points to me. One: you have to just take what you have and make the best of it. Two: even though she didn't say it just like this, I have to stop pitying myself.

She is right. I shouldn't. But I guess there is so much I want in my life. There are so many mistakes that I know I shouldn't have made, and nothing I can do can fix them. Nothing!!!!! And I know I can't make up for some of them and trying would be futile. But I see all of these things around me that I wished I could have for myself, but no matter what, I can't have them.

For example, I have a friend named Curtis. He is someone I respect very much, because I can see that no matter what, he is an honorable person, that shows compassion to others. He is true to himself. Good news for him though. Curtis is getting married soon….June 24. Congratulations to him and his bride-to-be.

In a way, I'm kinda jealous. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them both, and I wish them the best. I just wished I could have something like that. I want to be able to do that. The problem with that is I have to find somebody first. What is so wrong with me that I can't find someone that will accept me for who I am? I want to find someone that has a good heart, someone I can give my soul to. I want to find someone I can love, and that will love me back. Is that too much to ask? I thought I've found that few times before, but each time they always turn out to be obsessed, or they try to be controlling, or……you get the picture, right…..

I hate having this facade that I am happy, because I am not. Not even close to it.

I want to be happy, even if it means for one day.

The thing that makes me happy the most is helping other people, and even I can't be happy with that. Something always happens with it. I will give you an example. I recently did something for a close friend. It wasn't much, she is scared of storms, and there was a terrible one heading toward our city. So I offered to give her company, she accepted, and I went. No problem, right. First of all, I would like to say this, I have deep feeling for her, feeling I can't deny, feelings I can't do anything about. I want to be with her, and I would do almost anything to have that opportunity(I guess she is right, I have bad timing), but I am blessed that I have the friendship I do with her…..it hurts not to be able to act on my feelings, but it means just as much to me to have her as one of my good friends…….anyway(I'm straying away here)…..I went to give her company during the storm, maybe get her attention away from it somehow. Funny thing is that it didn't storm while I was there. Really weird, huh. So I left earlier than I thought I would because I was going to stay for the duration of the storm for her. She offered me to stay the night there in the living room, because she had something important to take care of, but I didn't accept because I didn't feel right(I have my reasons). But I got my stuff together, and headed out…..oh yeah, I walk from place to place. I was glad that I could at least be there. Yeah, I know, I was there with someone I have those feeling for, but I was there helping a friend that needed me. That makes me feel better at least, I was able to help my friend….even though the storm decided not to be on time……one problem……I headed out, and the storm finally decided to show up. Not a little rain, but torrential downpour(as I told you, it was not on time). I had my coat with me because I had an inkling that it would be at least raining a little bit on me, but I never expected this. I was drenched. I even stopped and stayed under this awning for about an hour, and I was soaked then. I dried pretty quick there, but to no avail. It didn't look like it was going to slow down any, so I finished my trip home. Another problem. Rainwater tends to make me sick…..REALLY SICK…..so what do you think a shitload of it would do to me?……I haven't really kept anything down since I got home that night, and I am very weak from it.

I am glad about helping her, but I guess she is right, my timing is terrible. About everything.

I want to be happy so bad….and I am trying with everything that I am, but I guess it never seems to be enough. I know what I want…..I want to have a girl that has a heart of gold that will love me for who I am…….

I want to be happy so bad…….but for some reason I can't even get close……

I'm thinking I should give up on it. I've thought about it so many times, but I'm ready to. I'm not sure what to do anymore with it………

I have some song lyrics for you, this is exactly how I am feeling right now…….here they are, and it is just the chorus of the song…..

We all want what we can't have
It's enough to drive you mad
Make you happy, make you sad
Ain't it crazy
We all want what we can't have

That is the chorus from "What We Can't Have" by The Warren Brothers……..I agree, it seems that is the truth more and more everyday……..there are a lot of things that are haunting me, there are some bad decisions that I wished I could go back and fix……there are some things I would give anything to have the opportunity to redo……but I know that I can't. It is all of that together that makes me want to just stop trying……..

Maybe I should……..

I just don't know anymore…….

I guess my timing has always been bad…..and apparently, it always will be……

And I don't want any pity, I don't have any for myself, I don't need it…..I made the mistakes myself, and that is that……..I know that the past is only what a person can get, it is what you make of it for the future………

I just don't know if I have anything to make it worth the fight anymore……….

Does any of this make sense to anyone but me?
Am I really just the fool that I think I am?

Someone give me a reason that I shouldn't give up……I am open to any and all ideas you may have……Let me know either on here, or you can send me an email, my email addresses are on "The Lost Soul" page…….

Fino alla volta prossima, i miei amici…………

This is my new blog!!!!!!

mastersolace — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 18:47:37 +0000

The mission statement for this blog…………..

Just for your reference, this is my new blog. Those of you that are readin this by invite have already seen my old one, and I am still keeping it…..but this one is going to have a different overtone. The old one is going to be primarily me trying to be myself, trying to make the best of things. This new one is going to take over for what the old one was supposed to be, a way to get my message across.

For those of you that know me well enough, you will find out that I try my best to keep things hidden. I've always had the impression that no one would listen to me even if I did. On here, it doesn't matter, because you never know who actually reads it, or just links to it for the hell of it. So, on here, I am very outspoken about whatever the subject maybe. If you agree with me, great!!!!! If you don't, that is more than fine with me, tell me what you think. Leave me a comment on that post, or you can email me, if it is a bit more personal than what you would leave as a comment. I value the opinions of others, and feel free to say whatever in the hell you want to.

This part is for everyone that looked at the title and went, "what in the hell does that mean?" Simple. A friend of mine told me that I should take what I have and make the best of it. The problem is that I searched for what I have left inside, and all I have is despair and sorrow. I'm not saying that I want them, it's just that I don't see anything else. Whenever I do something nice for someone else, I always end up getting hurt in some way, shape, form, or fashion. It's not that person's fault….not at all. Something just happens to me. I'll explain piece by piece in the future.

I just want to be able to look at the past and be able to rise like a phoenix…..rise out of the ashes of the mistakes I've made……and be able to have a nice future.

Wish me luck…….

And I will show you exactly what I mean…………..